Past, Present and Future

I can't believe it is the end of July and that August is less than a week away. What I wonder is where the summer has gone and when it comes time- will we be ready for fall? It seems that we spend so much time looking forward to what is ahead, we do not take enough time to live in the moment. I am guilty of this. I do live in the moment, but it seems like I am always planning what is coming next and my calendar is too full of tasks I need to do. As fall approaches, I am trying my hardest to live in the moments of work. I am soaking up all the hugs, kisses and sweet words the kids say to me. Because this fall I will be working less hours and will have to find another part time job to make enough money. Some days I am relieved that I will be working less, but some days it makes my heart so sad. I feel like a mommy to these boys. And it breaks my heart when I think about the fact that I will not be here every day to see them and interact with them. I never thought that when I started this job 3 years ago it would turn into this.
I have grown and learned so much over the past 3 years. I have learned what it is truly like to put others needs above mine. I have learned that you can survive on 5-7 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. I have learned that children really are AMAZING, and PRECIOUS gifts from the Father. I have learned that I get cranky when I don't have Amanda time, and that I need(ed) to take advantage of it when available. I have learned that these kids have captured my heart and there is nothing that I will not do for them. They are so beautiful and I do not know what I would do without them.
I have also learned what I want to do in the future. When the babies were born, we had a Doula come and take care of the boys so we could sleep (she was a LIFESAVER!!). Through many conversations with her I discovered that God had blessed me with the gifts to serve women and children along side their families after they bring the babies home from the hospital. So as I look ahead, I can not wait for the day that I will be a certified Postpartum Doula. It will be great!! I can not wait to serve families that need extra hands and love as they adjust to having a new baby in their home.
As I sit in the present, I think about finding a new job. I think about interviews I have had, and the ones to come. I think about making a choice to go with a new job, and then worrying it is/was the wrong choice. I think about the fact that looking for a new job stinks- but at the same time I should look at it as a time of growth and an opportunity to try something new and different. I think about the fact that I claim to have so much faith in God and Him to guide my decisions, but when it comes down to it, I don't listen and search enough to see where He is leading me.
I need to worry less and live in the now more. I need to be excited that things are changing and that God is presenting new opportunities for me to take hold of and run with. Please pray for me and I search for a new job, and that I will not dwell on the fact that my time with my current family is getting less, but that I still have time to spend with them!